Madness
by winds81
Summary: Captain Renard has always been a composed man, until now. His world is suddenly being funneled down to one very specific, red-headed point. Juliette knows what her life should be, who she is supposed to love, but the enigmatic Captain creeps into her thoughts when least expected. How can they continue to pretend nothing has changed? Rating may change over time.
1. Chapter 1

Captain Sean Renard considered himself a composed man. A calm, rational man who kept his opinions to himself until he'd had time to form them completely. He was not prone to outbursts, nor fits of rage, nor bouts of unrestrained passion. In fact, it was his exact level of levity that often threw off wesen as he could hardly be called a man at all. What was it that Catherine had said?

"_Given that you're more demon than man…"_

His hand tremored for a moment as it lingered across the top of his computer screen. He had never been someone to be particularly passionate about anything. Perhaps the closest he had gotten was Adeline whom he was quite intrigued by, but not particularly in love with. She was just someone who could keep him on his toes. Keep him guessing, just dangerous enough to be interesting but not quite tame enough to be touchable.

He had always assumed that if he chose to take on a life partner it would have been her. There likely wouldn't be any love, but there would always be intrigue. And to him, that was perhaps safer. In his precarious position he was in no place to accept love. Not that it was likely to ever come his way. That was a reality he had accepted, that he had lived in, that he was familiar with. It was what fueled his compulsion to be rational, clear headed, cool at all times. In his world, passion got you killed.

His eyes flickered across the screen, resting on cascading red hair and deep green eyes. Detective Burkhardt had accidentally sent a picture of himself and Juliette to the entire department instead of just Hank. It was, of course, followed up with a second email apologizing, but for Renard, the damage had been done. The one thing he needed to stay away from was the one thing he couldn't turn away from. No matter how many times he tried to make himself delete the picture, his hand would pause and his eyes would drift – across her cheekbones, down the smooth arch of her neck, through waves of chestnut hair. He closed his eyes as he pressed the screen of his computer down.

It was madness. She was, of course, quite lovely but no more or less so than the millions of other women – HUMAN women he'd come across in his time. Beyond a few vague conversations, he'd never really given her much thought. He knew she had to be intelligent; she was after all a veterinarian. And given how adventurous Nick tended to be he could extrapolate that she was likely similarly enthusiastic about life. But beyond that, there was very little that he could specifically attribute to Juliette Silverton.

Beautiful. Brilliant. Amazing. Bright. _Perfect._

The words whispered through his mind and he pressed his fingers into the inner corners of his eyes. This obsession was starting to eat at his sanity. His infatuation with someone whom he barely knew was consuming his daily thoughts, robbing him of his rationality. In its tumultuous wake, all that was left was madness.


	2. Memories

To say that life was awkward would have been the understatement of the decade for Juliette. She had memories of buying and living in a house that apparently she didn't own alone, had pictures of herself in intimate (and according to a hidden file on her computer somewhat compromising) poses with a man she couldn't remember, and was having rather…ah…inappropriate? Involved? Suggestive? _Delicious…_ fantasies about a man she had only met a handful of times.

When she woke up in the morning it was with the knowledge that someone she didn't know was sleeping on her couch in the hopes that she might remember him. When she was at work she'd occasionally receive calls or flowers, and while it was sweet it was unsettling at times. It was like she'd transported from being blissfully single into a 6 year long relationship that had…

She palmed the box that was in her lab coat pocket. She'd found it this morning while searching through her (_their)_ undergarment drawer looking for clean underwear. She wasn't sure of why she'd decided to carry it with her. Maybe it was the hope that jostling the box around would help knock something loose in her memory. The reality was, it just made everything more uncomfortable. Since she'd woken up in the hospital there'd been this tight knot settled at the bottom of her gut, reminding her that she didn't really know what she thought she knew. Today instead it seemed to have coiled around her heart and begun to constrict.

She knew the knot was her guilt, but the frustration was that she didn't know why she felt guilty. According to her memories, she'd done nothing wrong. According to the gorgeous detective who spent his nights on her couch, she'd up and forgotten about the most important relationship of her life. It wasn't like she didn't believe him – she felt far too comfortable and safe around him for it to be a story. It was just that she couldn't remember him… At all. And that guilt that ate at her never went away because, well, HE never went away.

She impatiently clicked the end of the pen in her hand. There was a small stack of records that needed to be finished in front of her – one or two from as far back as before her accident. It was dismaying that she could remember the appointments – one a new puppy vaccination appointment and the other a recurrent skin infection – in ridiculous detail, but she couldn't remember her supposed…potential…on the rocks fiancé? Or was he still her boyfriend?

A small tap on the door brought welcome relief from the circuitous thoughts that kept tumbling in her head.

"Come in!" she called out. A blonde head popped in, adorned with a charming smile. Her technician Sylvia was one of her favorite people to work with. Experienced, friendly, sarcastic as hell, she kept Juliette's workdays moving smoothly and kept the atmosphere from getting too dismal.

"What's up doc?" Juliette grinned at the old joke. During her first week in the office she'd been a nervous wreck, and stuttered over a diagnosis. Sylvia had been chewing on a carrot and, in a perfect imitation of Bugs bunny, said "Wanna repeat that doc?"

The two had been close friends ever since. The memory warmed her, and made her want to hit her head on the desk at the same time. She could remember THAT, but not Nick.

"It's going" she sighed. Sylvia frowned a little.

"Stop thinking about it. You'll remember him when it's time" she replied. Juliette nodded, before pressing her head into the middle of the medical record on the desk in front of her.

"It's not like I can get away from him" she mumbled into the paperwork. Sylvia chuckled.

"If you need time away, you know you're always welcome at my place. I have a spare bedroom. And chocolate. And wine" she waggled her eyebrows at Juliette who laughed and picked her head back up.

"I just might take you up on that" she answered. And soon, she added silently. She could use the ear to talk to too.

"So" Sylvia abruptly changed the subject, "You know how it's our favorite time of the year?"

Juliette wrinkled her brow, "Fall? I thought I was more of a spring person…"

"No!" Sylvia interrupted, "OK, our second favorite time of the year. It's KITTEN SEASON!"

"That's our favorite time of the year?" Inevitably kitten season brought about a lot of, well, kittens who were adorable but often ill. It also brought about a bunch of female cats who needed to be spayed TODAY, along with well-meaning college students who purchased or adopted said kittens and were suddenly surprised to see that it cost actual money to appropriately take care of said kittens. So while the kittens were adorable, the associated biannual frustrations were not.

"Well it is now" Sylvia drew her hand out from behind her back, a little gray ball of fur wriggling in it.

"What. Is. That." asked Juliette.

Sylvia comicaly looked at the kitten and then back at Juliette, wide eyed, "Well, I'm no veterinarian, but by the looks it appears to be a kitten"

Juliette gave her a look. Sylvia grinned again to turn up the charm.

"He has no hoooome. Someone dropped him off in a box in the lobby. Never even heard them come in"

"Well, we can always call the shelter" responded Juliette.

"Awww, you wouldn't do that to him would you? He's too little…and too cute for that"

Juliette had to admit, he WAS adorable. He was a little scruffy, but she could see he was going to have a long coat with tabby stripes. He was young, not much more than 6 weeks and small enough to fit in Sylvia's palm. As he mewled, his little pink tongue peeked out as he opened his mouth and she felt her heart soften.

"Look, I'd have to talk to Nick. But we can keep him here at the hospital for now. Set up a place for him in the back away from the other cats and dogs. I'll look at him in a little bit"

Sylvia squealed, "Kitten!" before winking at Juliette, "Thanks boss!"

Juliette closed her eyes and dropped her head back onto the desk. Now she just had to figure out why they didn't have any pets at home.


	3. Evolve

He felt her before he saw her. He wasn't sure how. It was a disturbing nudge at the base of his skull that crawled down his spine and curled low in his stomach. He imagined it was like knowing there was a part of your body missing and that it was close by, but not exactly where. His eyes flickered across the crowded coffee shop, hoping he would at least get a glimpse of her before she left.

Sean wasn't much for coffee, but after the endless nights of miserable sleep he found himself purchasing it more often just to get through the day. The dampening elixir the Blutbad had given him was just enough to round out the sharp edges of his anxiety, but it did nothing to alleviate the inevitable insomnia that chased him around the bedroom at night. When he did sleep it was dreams about Juliette. Some were mundane – vignettes of times she'd come to the station. Often they repeated the kiss in the hospital. Over and over again, it was as if his entire life had started and ended at just that moment. And every now and then, they were quite involved. Scenes flickered behind his eyes mixed with intimacy and debauchery, causing him to awaken panting and damp with sweat and his own essence. Even then he craved more, his body aching for the real thing.

He saw Juliette then, reaching for her coffee from the counter of the barista. The next conscious action he could remember was his own hand closing over hers as she grasped the cup. A shock travelled up his arm and shooting into his brain and heart, halting them both abruptly as he became aware of what he had done. She turned sharply into him, her mouth open as if to say something but as her eyes met his she paused, unable to form the words. The world hesitated and they stared at each other, into each other, trying to make sense of the insensible.

Sean came to his faculties first, acknowledging the pounding pulse in his ears, and then swallowing to try to return control to his conscious mind. A soft, apologetic smile formed on his lips.

"I'm sorry", he murmured, "I thought this was mine"

She flushed, floundering for words, "I…No. I'm pretty sure it's mine"

He could feel her fingers tighten on the cup underneath his, and he abruptly let go. His heart ached at the loss of touch, and he leaned slightly into her space trying to replace the sensation.

"It's good to see you out Juliette" he said. She gave him a nervous smile, though he noticed she didn't move away, "Are you feeling better?"

"Better and worse. Physically I feel fine. Mentally, I have good days and bad" she replied, worry creeping up behind her eyes. Sean restrained from pushing the hair behind her ear, caressing the side of her face to reassure her that it would all be alright. Everything would be fine if she would just come with him…

"I'm sure it will get better" he responded, his tone equal parts sympathetic and comforting. She smiled a little more genuinely then, her body unconsciously swaying a hair closer to his own_. Irresistible. _ It was as if they were two celestial bodies, drawn to each other, orbiting without touching, unable to move apart. She was his sun and he was….

_Get it together_ the rational part of his brain hissed at him. Sean cleared his throat and pulled back, trying to dispel the fog in his mind.

"If you need anything, please let me know" he said, unable to tear his eyes away from hers. She blushed again, ducking her head down a little as she disengaged and moved away.

"Thanks, Captain"

"Sean" the name slipped out before he could stop himself. Her surprise was covered quickly, and she nodded.

"Sean", his heart sang as he heard his name from her lips. He swallowed hard, his hand forming a fist so he wouldn't be tempted to grab her again.

"Have a good day Juliette" he responded, and she smiled again and waved before turning to leave. Her path was perhaps a bit unsteady and she ran a shoulder into another customer, apologizing as she slipped out the door. He supposed he could have imagined it, but for just another moment he thought her eyes met his as the door closed.

"Sir? Your coffee"

The barista broke him out of his thoughts and he shook his head. Turning back to the college aged girl at the counter he gave a wan smile and grabbed his cup. He felt both elated, and drained at the same time. Juliette's presence had breathed life back into him, but now her absence weighed even more heavily than before. Every step she took further from him, the more sluggish he felt.

It was becoming clear that staying away from Juliette wasn't helping. The problem was, he wasn't sure what would. Even more important, he wasn't sure how much longer he wanted to stay away.


	4. Trying

_AN: First off, thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed! I'm enjoying writing this, so I'm glad you all are enjoying reading it __ I hope I can keep producing something everyone likes! _

_Obviously, as of last night the show has skipped ahead a little faster than I expected it to, so while the characters are still cannon I'm taking a bit of a detour from following the exact storyline. Hopefully you can accept that it's two different stories from the same background! (And yes, I will be very grumpy if they sink the ship before I get a chance to finish this story)_

_And just as a side note, I am a graduate student with a super busy schedule (not to mention a certain hurricane rearranged all my plans last week). I'll try to update regularly, but please be patient if I'm a little slow on upcoming chapters!_

Juliette smiled at Sylvia as she re-entered the living room and set a glass of wine down on the oak coffee table in front of her.

"Thanks, I needed this"

"I could tell," the impish blonde winked. She reminded Juliette a bit of a ferret (not that she'd ever tell her friend that) and her personality just added to it. Constantly on the go, inquisitive, into everything, but ultimately kind and a great keeper of secrets. She felt a great kinship with her friend and was grateful for the evening off and the ear to listen to her.

Sylvia folded herself onto the other end of the couch and said "So spill" before taking a pull from her own glass. Juliette sighed as she twirled the stem in her hand.

"I don't even know where to start" she murmured. Sylvia shrugged.

"How about at the beginning? What did you remember when you first woke up at the hospital?"

"Honestly?" Juliette scrunched her nose, "Nothing. Well, not nothing. While I was…asleep…it was like I was in this black void and there was nothing there. I wasn't afraid, but I wasn't anything. And then suddenly, there was this flash of light and this warmth and I woke up"

Sylvia hmmmed as she grabbed a cracker from the table next to them, "What was the first thing you thought about?"

Juliette shrugged, "That there was somewhere I needed to be. But then Nick came in and, well, the rest just never settled itself out I guess"

"And you can't remember ANYTHING about Nick?"

"No. It's…unsettling. I mean, he's obviously kind, and sweet and delicious to look at. And he's clearly in love with me. But for all intents and purposes he's a complete stranger. I mean, I don't even know his favorite color!" she exclaimed.

"Red" replied Sylvia as she nibbled on a cracker. Juliette groaned and dropped her head into her free hand.

"See? I mean, we've supposedly been together for what, 6 years? And right now YOU know more about him than I do!"

"Well, in all fairness, the only reason I know is because this one birthday he was trying to get you to buy him a jacket he really liked. Of course, like most men, Nick is about as subtle as a freight train, so his idea of dropping hints was to stop by at the clinic and talk to you about this 'Awesome jacket' he saw and how it came in his favorite color. The next day you had it on your desk in red" Sylvia responded with a small smile and a wink.

"See? How could I forget that whole interaction? I don't even remember buying a jacket!" moaned Juliette.

"Well. I do think it's weird, and I am worried about you. But I think you're worrying too much which might be preventing you from doing exactly what you want to do. And I think he's putting too much pressure on you to remember. Have you talked about your living arrangement?"

"Outside of the obligatory Nick sleeps on the couch out of some misguided sense of gallantry and I sleep in the bed? No" she shook her head.

"On the…? Wait, you guys have like 3 bedrooms. Why is Nick on the couch?"

"Ah, well...one of the spare rooms is an office and the other is storage. And apparently we have a lot of storage" was her sardonic reply.

"I see. That's got to be..awkward"

"It is. And, did you know, Nick is allergic to most animals? Especially cats?" asked Juliette. Sylvia's eyebrows lifted a little.

"I did not know. Though it explains why you've resisted bringing home strays for so long. You must really love him a lot" she responded offhandedly.

"I must," came the short reply before she took a deep drink from her wine glass. It was odd, she'd always been an animal lover and as a veterinarian she was exposed to a variety of species that needed homes on a daily basis. But when she went home at the end of the day, it would almost be impossible to tell what she did for a living. There wasn't even left over hair on her clothes! To say it didn't bother her would be a lie, but the fact that she'd been so supportive also left her feeling uneasy. The relationship she had with Nick must have been something special for her to have willingly rearranged what had always been such an integral part of her life for him.

"So what's the plan?" inquired Sylvia.

Juliette sighed, "I don't know. I don't know how long I keep trying to make this work or how long to keep trying to remember. I don't feel like him living there is helping, but I certainly can't ask him to move out. I don't feel like it's fair to just give up on 6 years after only a few months as well. He's a good guy Sylvia. I need to give him a chance."

"He is. But you shouldn't make yourself miserable either. You need to live your life as well Juliette," Sylvia patted her on the knee as she refilled both of their wine glasses.

Juliette chewed on her lower lip, hesitating before responding "There is another guy"

Sylvia's eye got comically wider and she paused for a moment before putting the wine bottle down, "You hussy! You never told me. Spill the details"

Juliette smiled weakly at the backhanded endearment, "He's…Well, he's someone Nick works with"

Sylvia wrinkled her nose, "It's not Hank is it?"

"No! It's not. It's" she blushed, "Captain Renard."

Sylvia quirked an eyebrow.

"Oooooh, Captain Renard? You have good taste. That man is sex on a stick. Minus the stick. Substituted with a meat log" she winked at Juliette. Juliette chuckled a little louder.

"He… We ran into each other the other day and I couldn't… It was like I was a teenager again. I couldn't control my brain around him. It was ridiculous"

"Well I wouldn't be able to control my hands around him if he put those gorgeous green eyes of his on me" quipped back Sylvia, her grin wicked.

"Oh, believe me, it was a battle. I just don't know how I can be SO struck by HIM and not really feel that intensely about someone I presumably spent 6 years of my life with"

"Chemistry is an incredible force. Sometimes after you've been with someone for a long time that really hot spark fizzles out. Sure, there's the slow burn still there, but that little nudge that made you shag in the broom closet isn't quite the same" she gave Juliette a pointed look. Juliette cringed.

"Did we? Really?

"Yes. Should you choose to do the same with Captain Renard, please be aware that while we cannot see you behind closed doors, we are not deaf"

Juliette laughed then, "Duly noted"

Sylvia became serious, "Look, I certainly can't tell you I know what you're dealing with because I've never been there. I just don't want you to beat yourself up for circumstances beyond your control. You're just human Juliette, and its all any of us can ever be. You're beautiful, brilliant and a great friend. Don't forget all the good things about yourself too, ok? You will remember when it's time"

Juliette reached over and hugged her friend, "Thanks. You're great Sylvia. Don't know what I would do without you"

Sylvia sighed as she returned the embrace, "I know, I don't know what you'd do without me either"

As Juliette settled into bed later that evening, she mulled over the conversation in her head. She knew Sylvia was right, she just didn't know what to do about it. The scene from the coffee shop flittered behind her eyes and she shivered as she thought about Sean's hand on top of her own. The tingle from his touch had lasted the rest of the day, and had left her feeling oddly bereft. She didn't know what to make of it, but she was beginning to realize she wanted more of it. She wanted to feel more of something other than confusion, and for some reason what she felt with the stoic Captain felt…right. And delightfully sinful.

As she drifted off, a vision of the Captain without his shirt on, hands cupping her neck and face as he leaned in to capture her lips with his own danced behind her eyelids and escorted her into sleep.


	5. Swallowed

_AN:I apologize for any spelling or grammar mistakes! I try to check everything, but sometimes I miss something. I'm so glad everyone is enjoying the story so far :) I'll keep updating as I get time!_

_And I have to say, I was super amused to see Juliette's friend on the show be a skinny little blonde girl. However, wine is always a better lubricant for spilling your guts over your fantasies than tea is!  
_

It was one of those days where Sean was torn between beating his head on his own keyboard until he passed out, and busting out the good scotch he had hidden in his office before 10 am. Between the obsessive circle his thoughts kept taking back towards Juliette, and the incessant ringing of his phone about one ridiculous "crisis" or another he was ready for the day to be over. The fact that it was only Tuesday did not bode particularly well for the rest of his week either.

He drummed his fingers restlessly on the desk as he stared at his monitor again. There was something about the case that been called in this morning that set off his internal alarms. He'd assigned the case to Nick and Hank in case he was right, but with the hopes that he was wrong. The victim was quite brutally and gruesomely murdered in her own home, and he was fairly certain wesen were involved. He had confidence his Grimm would shed light on the situation in the way that only he knew how.

Sighing he pressed his fingers against his temples and tried to stave off another fantasy about Juliette, coupled with the following pain for his efforts. He couldn't afford the distraction right now. Closing his eyes he waved at hand at the knock on his door, inviting the visitor in. God help him if it was another lackey from the D.A's office complaining about some case that they were trying to wrap up but couldn't manage to do their own leg work for.

"Well, you look like shit," came the brisk voice from his door. Sean's head shot up and he stared disbelieving at the woman just inside his office. She was tall, lean, curves in just the right places, blonde hair that tumbled in curls to mid-back with a sweetheart face that could charm almost any man into believing he was the one.

"Oh Jesus" was all he managed to utter. The day apparently really could get worse.

"'Fraid not, brother. I'd like to believe I'm much more fun than that"

"Did our brother send you? Is this his latest tactic?" he responded, grimacing against the headache that was now becoming stronger.

His sister pouted prettily as she crossed the room and sat on the edge of his desk. The only way anyone might be able to mistake them for family were their eyes. A Renard family trait, she fluttered her lashes over the same green irises as she reached over to pat his arm, "Face it Sean, you missed me. You've been devastated without me"

"Yes, dear sister, I've missed you about as much as my last prostate exam. Why are you here, Lexi?"

She grimaced a little at his response, "Well, things appear to have gone tits up back home and I thought you might need my help"

Sean furrowed his brow, "Let me guess, Eric?"

"That would be the one. Such a delightful man he's grown into, believe me. And that Adalind? She's a real charmer as well. I can't imagine how you ever let her slip away"

Sean groaned. His sister was best described as a force of nature, and was known for being in both the right and the wrong place at the same time. She had a tendency to be a catalyst for bringing forth anything that might be simmering below the surface, and lately Portland had been a giant cauldron of shit that was just beginning to boil. He was not exactly thrilled at the prospect of cleaning up whatever mess she was dragging in with her.

"Adalind was a mistake" he responded.

"Clearly. She's doing an excellent job of getting into our brother's good graces. And by "good graces" I mean his bed"

Sean noted his sister at least had the presence to fake gag at the end of that statement. It wasn't terribly surprising that Adalind was trying to move in on Eric, or that her aspirations for power and revenge would take her into his bed. He was mildly surprised his brother would go for his sloppy seconds, but only mildly. There were a few things that acted as driving forces in his brother's life, and what lay between a woman's legs was definitely one of them. He was, however, a bit more surprised that he would take her seriously enough to follow up and try and make a move on Sean.

"Does he pose an immediate threat?"

"Define immediate," came her response. Sean glared at his sister. No one could get under his skin the way she could.

"As in, am I going to have an army of seigbierste stomping down my streets this afternoon?" he ground out through clenched teeth.

Lexi bestowed a beguiling grin on him, "Now don't be silly"

"Lexi" he growled. Before he could follow up however, another knock came on the frame of his door.

"Captain, do you have a moment?"

Sean wanted to cuss. The Grimm had to have perfect timing. From how his sister straightened up in his peripheral vision he could tell she knew exactly who he was the moment he spoke.

"What do you need Detective Burkhardt?" he responded, exercising all of his control to keep his voice level.

"Well, I have some details on that case from this morning. I'd like to go over them with you. I'm pretty sure there's more to it than meets the eye, " Nick replied. Sean felt his internal detective sit up and take notice, momentarily shoving everything else out.

"Of course, come in"

Nick glanced over at the blonde on the corner of his desk, weighing her with his eyes as he approached. Sean tried not to let his irritation show over the fact that there was no way to avoid what was going to happen next, "Nick, this is my sister Alexis. Lexi, this is Detective Burkhardt"

Lexi ran her eyes over him, and gave him her most devastating smile. Sean noted the small grin quirking at the edges of Nick's lips. His sister certainly knew how to use her looks.

"Well, Sean had mentioned what a fantastic job you'd been doing but he managed to leave out the part about you being so handsome" she gushed as she stood and reached out her right hand. Nick had the good graces to flush a bit as he shook her hand back.

"Ah, thanks. I'm a little embarrassed to say I haven't heard about you. I had no idea the Captain had a sister"

"Half-sister, actually. Our father was quite the dog," she winked at him, sidling a little closer. Nick grinned a little wider.

"Lexi," warned Sean from behind his desk, cautiously observing the two.

"Oh breathe brother, I'm not going to molest the man. There are too many witnesses," Nick's jaw dropped a little and he fully blushed.

"Time to go sister" It was an order. Lexi looked back over at him and pouted again.

"Oh, fine. However, you and I need to have dinner tonight to catch up. Call me as soon as you're done here," Her face smoothed out, and her eyes bore into his. It was also an order. Whenever Lexi got serious it mean things were very serious. In the blink of an eye however her face relaxed and she turned back to Nick, smoothing his lapel and patting the side of his face, "And you'll have to call me for dinner sometime too"

With that, hurricaine Lexi strolled back out of his office. He really wanted to thank whatever deity involved that allowed that to happen so quietly, but he couldn't really do so with his detective present.

"She looks like a handful," Nick said dryly.

"You have no idea" replied Sean. Nick grinned a little more genuinely. He was such an affable man that it was hard for Sean to remember sometimes that given the right circumstances he could be a deadly enemy, "So tell me about this case"

"Well, Hank and I went to check out the scene. It was pretty clean. The woman was probably late twenties, early thirties, lived alone. She'd had her throat opened up…It looked like it'd been ripped out. She was missing both ears and her fingers as well. However, the house was wiped clean. No blood, no fingerprints, nothing"

Sean frowned, "So no leads?"

Nick shook his head, "None yet. We're looking into the victim's identity. Hopefully once we have it we'll be able to follow up on leads. I have to say though Captain, I have a feeling about this one"

"If your feeling is anything like mine, we probably should keep it under our hats for the moment. Don't need panic until its necessary"

"I know. I just…I don't think this is going to be the only one, "Nick frowned, his eyes becoming a bit unfocused.

"Is there something wrong, Nick?" Sean asked. While he liked to keep things formal in his unit, it was just as important to him that his officers feel comfortable divulging information to him. Sometimes he got more out of those tidbits than the entire formal report. He didn't survive his family just because he was smart enough to leave Austria when he was old enough to buy his own ticket. Intrigue, mystery and backstabbing were family pastimes which had helped him become an expert detective and boosted him into becoming the youngest Captain at Portland PD in half a century.

"I just…The woman looked a lot like Juliette. It kind of threw me this morning," answered Nick.

Sean heard the other shoe he'd been waiting for all morning drop, and a sick feeling clenched in the bottom of his stomach. This wasn't just a serial killer. It was a ticking time bomb sent by his family, trying to force his hand and force him to make a move. It didn't know exactly who it was looking for, just a description and until he could deliver on his end of the bargain they wouldn't stop. His heart skipped a beat a the thought of Juliette being tortured and killed, ears ripped off and fingers cut off. A dull roar started up in his head and he swallowed hard.

"Let's hope that it's just random, Nick" he said, his voice more solid than he felt, "Keep an eye on the situation and let me know what you find out" His detective nodded and stood to leave.

As Nick closed the door behind himself, Sean reached down to the bottom drawer of his desk and pulled out a bottle of scotch and a tumbler. Now was definitely a good time for this.


	6. Half

It didn't take a genius to realize things were going south, and quickly. Nick wasn't a doctor or a rocket scientist or some super genius, but he WAS a Detective. It was a fact many people tended to forget or overlook, or just consider a job instead of an attribute but it truly defined Nick in the deepest sense of the word. He may not know what Juliette was talking about all the time, but he could certainly pick up on the things that were important to her and in life in general. Little clues, little hints, things that might be invisible to the average person were glaringly obvious to him.

Right now, it was glaringly obvious that something was going on with his Captain. The man looked exhausted, and had even come in with his tie loosened around his neck. Now, most people might consider that a sign of him being relaxed, but given how put together Renard looked at any given time, a loose tie was downright disheveled for him. Not only that, but for the last month there had been a drastic increase in the number of coffee cups he'd brought in with him every morning. Now, Nick didn't necessarily count how often his Captain drank coffee, but he had the general idea that it was low. Recently however it was rare that he came in without a cup in hand, and coupled with the signs of exhaustion it was sending off little bells in the back of his head.

The brought him to The Sister. Nick wasn't entirely sure what to make of her, or what her part was in the unfolding drama. She didn't strike him as a threat, but he got a, for lack of a better word, vibe from her. Having been in police work for the better part of his adult life, he knew to pay attention to the feelings that people gave him. Intuition was a wonderful tool, and if used appropriately could pull open and close an entire case just by getting close to the right people. Alexis – Lexi – struck him as being one of those people who was constantly in the right place at the right time, or the wrong one at the right time, or whatever derivation of that there may be. She was one of those whirlwind personalities that didn't just come and go quietly and remain a fly on the wall. No, she was one of those people that made things happen and given how precarious everything was in the station and in the town, he had a feeling she was going to fling open some doors that really should remain shut. Sometimes, ignoring things really was the best tactic to follow.

He clicked the end of his pen impatiently as he considered the two. They were about as opposite as oil and water, but he had the feeling there was a deep familial bond that would be pulled into play should someone threaten either one.

More intriguing to Nick was her appearance just as this latest case had crossed his desk. He was pretty certain Sean knew more about what was going on in his city than he let on, given the types of cases that always seemed to end up on Nick's desk. However, the Captain hadn't asked or said anything and Nick certainly wasn't going to volunteer that information without good reason. Besides, on the off chance that he was wrong, he'd look pretty crazy.

"You see sir, I can see things. People that are actually monsters and not people"

No, Nick liked being employed and not in a mental hospital.

Not to mention, that whole conversation might end up with Monroe being brought into things and he desperately wanted to keep his friend safe. It was bad enough Monroe had taken a pretty brutal beating on his behalf, he didn't need his friend to be on the permanent radar of the police department either.

And truth be told, he wasn't entirely sure what to make of the woman who'd been murdered. When he'd arrived at the scene his heart had actually skipped a beat, he was so certain it was Juliette. About the time he'd ascertained that it wasn't her, that warning bell that went off in the back of his head when shit's about to go down started clanging loudly. There was nothing remarkable about the scene other than it was unremarkable. No fingerprints, no footprints, everything wiped clean and the victim had been posed. They were all hallmarks of a serial killer.

"We've got another one," Hank dropped the case on his desk. Nick grimaced.

"Were we right?" he asked, giving voice to the one thing they'd both avoided talking about since the scene.

"Looks like it. Second victim, same description as the first. Looks like our suspect isn't leaving any time for us to catch up"

"Well, maybe that's good for us. Maybe it means he'll be working too fast and get messy" replied Nick, doubt behind his words.

"Maybe" responded Hank. He looked at Nick, a level of uncertainty in his eyes, "Look, I don't want to get ahead of myself here but have you thought about this case at all?"

Nick nodded, knowing where Hank was headed. It was one of the best things about his partner. Hank wasn't one to just blurt out the obvious, but he wasn't going to wait until the last minute to discuss possible complications either.

"I know. I just…We're not really getting along right now. I'm not sure how she would feel about me telling her to be careful or assigning a detail to her," he replied. Hank nodded.

"I understand, but this vic has the exact description of the last one. You and I both know serial killers tend to choose a type"

"I know. I'll talk to her. Hopefully come off at concerned and not crazy"

"Still no progress?"

Nick sighed, "No. It's a mess, really. I want to relate, but she can't even remember all the things I want to relate about. We're trying to repair something that, so far as she's concerned, never even existed"

"That's rough man"

"No kidding. On the one hand, I don't want to push her and I just want to try and start over. On the other hand, I have a hard time forgetting about the last 6 years and sometimes I do or say things that make perfect sense to me and she totally has no clue about"

"Well, I think right now you're going to have to put that aside and just make sure she's safe," answered Hank.

"I know. Let me make a call and then we can go"

"No worries. I'll meet you out a the car"

Nick smiled and picked up the phone, dialing the familiar number, "Juliette? Do you have some time to meet me at the station this afternoon? I need to talk to you about something."


	7. Seeing

_(A/N: My deepest apologies. School and work and some family health issues held up my ability to work on this for a bit. I appreciate every little bit of feedback, and hope you enjoy the next chapter!)_

Juliette felt a tingle along the back of her neck as she walked into the precinct. It strummed along her nerves and tickled the hairs that brushed against her coat collar. It was as if she could feel Captain Renard – Sean – across the room. She'd felt it before, that day in the coffee shop, she just hadn't quite acknowledged it at the time. Now, however, it was as familiar as a favorite pair of slippers but thrilling like being at the top of a roller coaster right before the bottom dropped out. The urge to just go see him was threatening to override every other command her body was following.

Nick appeared before her, that comforting-yet-worried smile that had become his default expression around her stretching his lips. She returned it, a little strained and lopsided. She wasn't sure what exactly was going on, but considering how haggard he'd seemed over the past few days she gathered it probably wasn't good.

"Hey" he started, "I don't know how to do this exactly, but I need to talk to you about something"

"Alright", she fumbled with her purse strap on her shoulder, clutching the bag like a lifeline. Focus on Nick. Follow Nick to his desk. Sit. Listen to the words coming out of his mouth. Forget that you can sense Sean in his office, rummaging through his desk, shuffling papers, and…

"…so I don't want to alarm you, but I feel like in light of the case we should assign a detail. To the house. And maybe to your work," Nick looked like he was bracing for her response. She chewed on her lower lip.

"How serious do you think this guy is?" she responded, trying to buy time to catch up.

Nick shook his head, "There was only a day between the two murders, but we haven't been able to link the victims at all. There were no overlapping friends, families, acquaintances, activities. They really lived totally separate lives. The only thing that is in any way similar is their looks"

Ah, apparently a serial killer. Fantastic. She loosened her hold on her purse, and instead traced the seam on the side of her jeans, her fingers and body itching to move. She was really a pretty independent person, and she wasn't terribly excited by the idea of having to check in every time she wanted to leave her house.

"Well," she began, "I mean, there's like 600,000 people in Portland. I think the odds are pretty slim that they'd pick me out of a crowd" Nick reached forward and grabbed her hand. She paused, willing herself not to jerk it away, but her whole consciousness thrummed with how wrong it felt.

"I don't know. I do know I don't want you to get hurt though," his eyes shone at her, filled with earnestness and a flicker of fear. Guilt speared through her stomach and she squeezed his hand reflexively. A small smile gripped the corner of his mouth as he squeezed back, a little glow of hope dancing visibly across his gaze. The spear bloomed, and her stomach twisted in shame and anxiety. She wavered for a moment, wanting to pull her hand back but unsure how to do so without hurting Nick further.

She cleared her throat, "So, what would this entail?"

Nick leaned back, solving the dilemma by releasing her hand on his own. She forced herself to retract slowly and not snatch her hand back to her lap, "We can set up a rotating patrol. Someone to stop by at least once and hour and check on you for the time being. At night I'll assign someone to watch outside the house and make sure you aren't disturbed"

She nodded, "I see. Are you sure, you know, Monroe couldn't do this?"

His gaze darkened for a moment, and his eyes slid to the left. Lying? She filed the response away in her brain. Why would he feel the need to lie about his good friend?

"Monroe, well I'm sure he'd be happy to help.." stammered Nick, "But he's been dating this girl…And he's not really. I mean if someone broke in…" he trailed off. Juliette nodded numbly, suspicion growing. While often underestimated for being a softy and perhaps a bit childish, Nick was nothing if not charming and easy with words. In all the time she'd spent with him since waking up, she'd never known him to struggle to find something to say.

"I see", she chewed on her lip again, "I guess I'm just not sure how I feel about strangers being around our house all the time"

"Well they're not really strangers. They'd be patrol officers" he replied, impatience insinuating itself into his voice. She didn't want to pick a fight, and really she understood the reasoning behind the detail. It just made her uncomfortable to think about being watched by people all day, every day.

"I know, " she started, and then froze as a hand landed on her shoulder, brushing under her hair.

There was a fleeting pause before, "If you'd like, I can always stop by" rumbled from above her.

If she'd been a cat, she'd have been purring. As it was it took every ounce of strength to refrain from rubbing her face on the hand and arm next to her head. Her whole body cried out in yearning at the touch, so much that she was sure he could feel its response just to his presence. She felt herself tremor as she looked up, green eyes locking on green.

She knew, as soon as he caught her gaze, that the touch hadn't been on accident. She bit her lower lip hard, reminding herself that she was not with this man, the she was not his and he was not hers to claim. But she so wanted to. Wanted to grab that hand, wind her fingers through it, pull him closer as she slid up his body, her mouth finding his… She drew in a ragged breath, "That would make me feel better"

"I'm happy to. If it would make you feel more comfortable" she found herself staring at his lips as they formed each word, wondering how they would feel on her own.

"Yes. I believe it would" she heard herself say, entranced as she watched those same lips open in a genuine smile. Oh lord, he was going to be the death of her. The hand on her shoulder gripped harder for a few seconds and released, and goodness help her she let out a barely audible whimper as he let go. His adams apple bobbed as he swallowed, and clenched his fist to his side.

She gripped the edge of her chair, now physically keeping herself from following him as he retreated to his office, saying "It would be my pleasure. I'll see you soon Juliette"

As his door closed she swung her eyes back around to Nick, and smiled weakly, "Well..Is that alright? Are we done here?" Barely acknowledging his nod, she responded, "Great, gottagotowork, seeyoutonight" and fled from the precinct before she could change her mind.


End file.
